Late night ramblings...

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(When it comes to subjects, this post is all over the place. Be fairly warned, dear reader)

The truth is, I would like to be journaling with a hot cuppa tea in the quiet of my kitchen floor, pouring out my heart through my favorite pen whist listening to the silence. However, if I happen to breath just wrong, much less move in any way, Ryan (who is peacefully asleep beside me) would have other fabulous plans. 

(Teething+growing+gassiness=one crazy-wonderful baby.)

So, this tiny keyboard on my iPhone will do juuust fine. :D

Since sleep and I haven't been getting along these days, I've had quite a bit of time to think. Everything from realizing I have only 2 diapers left inside my house to the washing & renewing of my spirit. There are days where I feel less than a grain of sand, and the next day I'll feel empowered and confident in myself & in my mothering. There are days that I look at the life we have been blessed with and I am completely overwhelmed with gratitude.... packed down and overflowing! Then, moments later I can find 100 things to complain about. Why does that happen? You know when you've walked passed a familiar smell or see something that reminds you from your childhood & you are thrown back instantly to a specific place and time?? You are already there, in that VERY moment, before you can even think about it. It just happens. That's how it is for me with complaining, as ashamed as I am to write it. 

However, recently I've become more aware of the things I say, now that David is repeating everything from left to right. Let me tell you, it is quickly changing my body language & the words I choose to speak. 

Out of the mouths of babes come words that should have never been said in the first place.

Oh, and how true that is. He has ears & eyes like a hawk and a precious heart & mind willing & ready to soak up anything & everything. It is terrifying and absolutely wonderful at the same time. These boys are teaching me so much.

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." ~Prov. 22:6

This scripture has been heavily laid on my heart. These long days & fast years are happening before I can process the moment that had just previously happened. This stewardship we are given as parents, this "thing" that we are doing, is not to be taken lightly. I often find myself doing that very thing, because honestly, it's just too big for me to emotionally comprehend and handle. Living life to the fullest and striving to fulfill this high calling is only done by the Grace of God. And I believe it is done in the moments, in the very nano seconds of life.

I had a very humbling thought the other day that I'd like to share. 

As parents, we are given the massive responsibility and opportunity to help shape the hearts and minds of the future generations. With that utterly huge task in mind, this was softly spoken to my heart...

David & Ryan are not saved by the actions of their mother, but by the sacrifice and love of their King.

It is still ringing throughout my soul; and I am comforted. Have you ever had something so simple effect you in such a profound way? 

I am humbled. 

I am blessed.

And I am so very, very thankful. 

With much love & very tired thumbs, 

Tricia

 

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Thankfulness

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I have come to the conclusion that I am a bit of a perfectionist... at least when it comes to blogging. Every time I sit down to write a post I think to myself, "it just doesn't look right" or "nobody wants to read about how many blowout diapers your kid had today, much less see a picture of it" or "you're probably doing it wrong" or even something as simple as choosing a font... which honestly, isn't simple at all. My hat comes off to you bloggers out there, this is hard stuff.

Anyway, I have allowed myself to make excuses to put off something I've been wanting to do for a long time. 

I know, it's a little ridiculous. It is also very intimidating to me, as I am new to this whole blogging thing. I've kept a journal throughout the years, but nobody actually reads that... and quite frankly, if they did, they would probably get what was coming to them :P I usually write when my cortisol levels are blazing or my adrenaline is racing, sometimes both. Either way, the handwriting is terrifying. 

But, that's besides the point. I write from my heart. 

So tonight, as I delete the other drafts I started and didn't finish because I was worried about how they looked or what other people would think about them, I write to you honestly & completely from my heart. Setting aside all fear of judgement. Which is what I should have been doing in the first place; throwing it out there, being vulnerable, living and writing about life. 

For the season I am in right now, life IS the blowout diapers, the dirty hand prints on the walls, the science projects in the refrigerator, the pitter-patter of little feet running around, the wooden blocks, trains, books and toys everywhere, the tears, the snuggles, the over due bath times (for mommy & baby), the CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome), and the many unfinished projects... the list can go on and on.

However, at the end of days like these, I am overwhelmed with a sense of thankfulness. 

And not just for my pillow.

I am so thankful for the life that has been given to me. I am thankful for a merciful and forgiving Father who loves us, despite our unworthiness, wretchedness & failures. I am thankful for Gods Grace, which covers a multitude of sin. I am thankful that He hears my prayers. I am thankful for His protection.

 I am thankful for my loving husband & best friend who trusts in the Lord with all his heart and who is devoted to his family. I don't know where I'd be without him.

I am thankful for the gift of children & the massive responsibility of what being a steward entails.

I am thankful to be a Mother.

I am thankful for my siblings & the relationships that we share. I am thankful for my parents. I never understood just how much they have & continue to sacrifice for me. I am thankful for the blessing of friendship and the many people who take me for who I am, and not someone or something that I try to be. 

I am truly thankful for the time & purpose we have on this earth, however long it may be. I am thankful for Gods perfect timing in everything. I am thankful that Heaven is near.

I am thankful for the little things, too. Like apple sauce. I'm thankful for a mother-in-law who lets me use her washer machine when mine dies a gruesome death. I am thankful for her willingness to help, regardless the hour. 

I have so much to be thankful for, every single day. It would be impossible to list everything. 

We are truly, richly blessed beyond all measure.

My heart is humbled ♥

"But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord."

 ~ Colossians 3:14-16

 

May the Lord bless and keep you ♥

Tricia

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