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(When it comes to subjects, this post is all over the place. Be fairly warned, dear reader)
The truth is, I would like to be journaling with a hot cuppa tea in the quiet of my kitchen floor, pouring out my heart through my favorite pen whist listening to the silence. However, if I happen to breath just wrong, much less move in any way, Ryan (who is peacefully asleep beside me) would have other fabulous plans.
(Teething+growing+gassiness=one crazy-wonderful baby.)
So, this tiny keyboard on my iPhone will do juuust fine. :D
Since sleep and I haven't been getting along these days, I've had quite a bit of time to think. Everything from realizing I have only 2 diapers left inside my house to the washing & renewing of my spirit. There are days where I feel less than a grain of sand, and the next day I'll feel empowered and confident in myself & in my mothering. There are days that I look at the life we have been blessed with and I am completely overwhelmed with gratitude.... packed down and overflowing! Then, moments later I can find 100 things to complain about. Why does that happen? You know when you've walked passed a familiar smell or see something that reminds you from your childhood & you are thrown back instantly to a specific place and time?? You are already there, in that VERY moment, before you can even think about it. It just happens. That's how it is for me with complaining, as ashamed as I am to write it.
However, recently I've become more aware of the things I say, now that David is repeating everything from left to right. Let me tell you, it is quickly changing my body language & the words I choose to speak.
Out of the mouths of babes come words that should have never been said in the first place.
Oh, and how true that is. He has ears & eyes like a hawk and a precious heart & mind willing & ready to soak up anything & everything. It is terrifying and absolutely wonderful at the same time. These boys are teaching me so much.
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." ~Prov. 22:6
This scripture has been heavily laid on my heart. These long days & fast years are happening before I can process the moment that had just previously happened. This stewardship we are given as parents, this "thing" that we are doing, is not to be taken lightly. I often find myself doing that very thing, because honestly, it's just too big for me to emotionally comprehend and handle. Living life to the fullest and striving to fulfill this high calling is only done by the Grace of God. And I believe it is done in the moments, in the very nano seconds of life.
I had a very humbling thought the other day that I'd like to share.
As parents, we are given the massive responsibility and opportunity to help shape the hearts and minds of the future generations. With that utterly huge task in mind, this was softly spoken to my heart...
David & Ryan are not saved by the actions of their mother, but by the sacrifice and love of their King.
It is still ringing throughout my soul; and I am comforted. Have you ever had something so simple effect you in such a profound way?
I am humbled.
I am blessed.
And I am so very, very thankful.
With much love & very tired thumbs,
Tricia
